i don't want to face the fact that i lost her. that was the shit that scared me the most and she "reassured" me it would never happen and it did. just as she promised she'd be there no matter what and she wont. i find that i trust people to much. oh well as i've been told i expect people to be like me and thats not real. i expect people to lay how they feel out and that wont always happen. the girls dropped me off and i felt horrible i didnt come in the house right away i sat outside crying and thinking about how dumb i am. but oh well we all have our dumb moments. me being hurt and sad wont change the situation. i am mad though not at her but because the timing couldnt be worse i have to find a way to explain to my mom that the ticket i bought last thursday to surprise her for her birthday has to be returned. what do i tell her "ma, im bi and i fell in love with my bestfriend but now we arent friends anymore so you can take the ticket back" i think not. i have to take this gift back to and frankly i just want to mail it to her anyway but why spend my money on someone who isnt my friend. now here i am writing my thoughts and feelings while staring at the ceiling. she needs her space i'll give her that....at least this time she told me instead of doing it without my knowledge. im leaving back out my house in a few. its 1:23 in the morning and i cant stand to sit here all i will do is cry and i know her eyes damn sure dont hurt and they damn sure aint red. i know she damn sure isnt hurt ovver this or over me...so why should i be. this is sort of where she was going anyway with distancing herself hopefully when i get wasted this weekend i wont remember a thing. sad though i have to drive in a minute so the alcohol i just poured is going to go to watse....or not lol. i still love her and care though she's the type person yo