hmph my best friend tzi :/

so im sitting here right irritated and ready to cry. if my best friend and i were speaking i would call her and cry in her ear ask her why im not good enough....what did i ever do? if my best friend was speaking to me i'd sit in her ear and tell her how much hate i have in me and how i have no respect left. im tired....this dumb ass talk gets to me. i dont like when they make excuses for this shit. if my best friend and i were speaking right now i'd ask her why the hell am i so broken and hurt over this.....why do i always let it get to me and break me. what kind of man is that? im a little upset right now....fuck a little im a lot upset. nobody else but my best friend will understand. i'll wait until we're okay to talk to her though...im giving her the space she needa. i dont want to bother her with my problems while we arent even speaking....tf is that? if my bestfriend and i were speaking i know she'd say "man fuck him j he doesn't know what he's missing" and while i can hear her say that in my head its not the point. i need someone who understands. what kind of man is ok with another guy taking care of his child? what kind of man doesnt care to know that his daughter graduated? what kind of man doesnt give two shits that his daughter didnt invite him to her graduation? what kind of man changs his number and doesn't even inform his child? i guess i shouldnt give a fuck but truth is that shit hurts me to my core. to know the one that helped create me doesnt give a fuck if im dead or not. nothings wrong with him he just made a choice not to care about me. yeah my father is a piece of shit. thanks "dad" you really have me fucked up. you dont love me and never will. if my best friend and i were speaking i'd ask her why? i'd ask her to explain it to me cause im baffled but we aren't speaking so i can't