Okay so I'm on day 5, or 6 depending on how you look at it. I'm not doing to well. I'm a little better but I still break out into tears. I still cry for no reason at all. I think about her non-stop. I'm sad and hurt. I'm not only hurt because of the things that were said but because I really did lose my best friend. I can barely handle losing my love, add best friend in the mix and well I'm bound to self destruct. I'm trying to get out of the house as much as possible. I'm scared, like what if we are never friends again, what if……I don't know but I keep going to what ifs. I'm scared really scared because I never wanted to lose my best friend. Maybe I should have hid my hurt, but then I can hear it now "What's wrong J you never tell me what's wrong…..I hate when you do this -_-" I'm coming up on day 6 or 7. I wonder what am I supposed to do to occupy my time? I'd usually spend my day on the phone with them but that's a no-no. This whole space thing is bs. Space and time are not my friends. If my friends don't drag me out the house I spend my day effin staring at the wall! Or ceiling whichever way I'm lying. Some days I stare at myself in the mirror and my mind wanders off. Hmph love is complicated, losing your best friend is complicated. I wonder if we'll ever get back to where we were, I wonder if we'll ever be friends again. I hope one day….SOON….all will be forgiven. All is already forgiven on my side. I know I spent all this time angry…..like I said before I was never angry I was hurt as hell. I don't even care anymore, I just want my best friend back. Their birthday is coming up I got them the cutest gift!!!! Yeah I know we aren't friends anymore so am I still gonna give it to them? HELL YES! I bought it for them and I don't want it. I hope they like their gift. If they don't well I put time and effort into it so that's all that matters. I'm going to sign off now.
The heart broken one J
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