My happiness

It's funny how I'm sitting here listenig to my muffin sleep in my ear. It's so cute, I just realized how much I like my muffin. I can see my self falling in love. Funny, my muffin is so special to me I find my mind drifting everyday....and everyday it drifts to my muffin. I don't think anyone else has ever had me so gone. I hear songs that are so beautiful and they just remind me of this amazing person. One day I hope to steal their heart, mind, body and soul; I'd cherish it with all that I have. I'm crazy I know but I never get like this anymore, I've never opened up to anyone like this since awhile ago. It feels great to be able to put my gaurd down. Every wall that I've built is slowly breaking and I'm so happy to say that. I guess this blog is about my happiness. No matter how much I push my muffin away. Muffin is always there. I love that.

Love,

The Dreamer

my love

"'Not everyone has your level of emotional maturity' is what he said to me while I tried to configure why the one I so adored and cared about would choose to place himself in harsh conditions. I'm not one to say 'Oh. I'm mature.' because I feel that is something that needs no announcement but speaks itself. But I do know myself. I recognize my strengths and my weaknesses, my needs and wants. I also recognize that I am a growing and flourishing individual so be advised, the specifics of those things are subject to change lol. I am a student, activist, lover, pacifist, planner, humanist, networker, and epistemological realist with a idealistic lean in certain circumstances lol."

beautiful love

"'Where there is love, there is life.' - Gandhi


'Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being 'in love' which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.' -St. Augustine"

Love :)

Some sweet love quotes :)

Love,

The Dreamer

The Truth

YOU don't get it and I dont think you ever will. Everything I've ever felt has been written on paper. How I felt about you was expressed verbally and on paper. You will never actually know how much that hurt. I felt like you could've said that when I saw you earlier that day. Of course I played it cool why make you feel bad. Of course a smile stayed on my face I live by my poem. "I smile to mask the tear and laugh to hide my fears" What good is it to show you I'm hurt, you feel a certain type of way and I can't change that. I can't change it at all. Yeah I feel like it was out the blue and that you sorta led me on because you don't out the blue say "hey I think I just wanna be friends" you feel that way for a while. Part of me thinks you found a girl closer to you, a girl better than me. I don't know I'm not an insecure person but you make me insecure. You make me crazy. So many emotions running around from you. So many things I wish I could've told you but I didn't and now it's too late. I feel like I got the signals crossed, like maybe I read into what you said a little too much. No this blog isn't to bash you or make you feel bad it's just to get my emotions out. I thought my poems were sooo clear for how fast I was falling for you and how had over heels I was. I stepped out my comfort zone for you. One thing I dont understand is one or two weeks before that you told me I was talking to you on the phone and you told me to open up to you more hat I needed to express how I was feeling to you. I started to and just as I did it didn't matter anymore. The fact that I seemed so composed and as if I didnt care blew you didn't it. Truth is I cried when you told me. Cried the whole night and no one has ever had that reaction from me. I don't know why but you were someone special hell you still are it's just I'm not that girl for you. I don't know but you make my heart skip a beat and I anticipate being around you, but then again you knew that right. My feelings for you were/ are unexplainable no one has ever made that big of an impact in my life. I don't know if this is spelled out enough for you. Hopefully it is is because what more can I say. My views and opinions on things change based on how things occur in my life. You I don't know where to put you on the spectrum the best but worse I guess. You don't understand. I don't know how else to put it. I wanted to feel what you felt, pick you up when you became down, have your heart, mind, body and soul while in return i gave mine to you. When I said "I want you" I wasn't lying when I said how I wasn't lying. See the thing is it wasn't mutual I feel like you just went along. You can't say it was mutual because then we wouldn't just be what we are. My attitude has shifted and it hasn't went unnocticed by you but the reason has. You told me you haven't hurt me, the truth is you did it just went unnoticed by you and it wasn't what you would say intentional. I cherished every conversation we had. I torment myself because when I text you there are things I want to say but can't. You just make me feel a certain way and friends or not it hasnt gone away. I wish it would though because then talking to you wouldn't be as hard not talking to you wouldnt be as hard holding my feelings in wouldn't be as hard. Everything is hard. I tried to make you feel better the other day when I said "...because I can't have you" when in reality I wanted to say "....because you don't WANT me" see how much of a difference it makes. Tonight you told me about the beauty of relationships frankly I don't care about it because it's not....nevermind. You told me tonight you think I could "care less" well listen here. I care more than what you think. I care probably a little too much. Nothing is what it seems with you. Not with the vibes and signals you send off. I mean now it's clear you don't have feelings for me other than the types of feelings you have for a friend. Well I wish you would have told me that before my feelings got caught up, hell I wish you wouldn't have called me baby and all of that cause it's hard now. I don't think I'm getting through to you but this is worth a try you know. You may never actually read this unless I'm brave enough to tell you to read it. Funny I always wind up hurt with EVERYONE guess it's me. Sorta wish the tables were turned I think, I'm not sure. I just wish I knew when you started feeling that way one day I'll ask you and I hope you give me a rel answer. One day I'll ask was it another girl who grasped your interest and hopefully you'll tell me the truth. Mght not be what I want to hear but it'll be what I need to hear. I suppose I bring a lot of this on myself if I would've continued talking to everyone instead of cutting them off just to be focused on you I wouldn't feel like this. Don't worry this isn't to make you feel bad or to hurt you I'm just stating a fact. I don't even want to listen to my favorite singer cause she reminds me of you smh the you when I swore we were going to get together. Truthfully....I have a confession: that night when you said you wanted to tell me something I was hoping you'd ask me to be your girl, lol crazy right...I know. Hopefully you understand my logic now. I still didn't put everything out there but hey there's nothing more I can do you know. Like I've been saying since the night you told me I can't change how you feel.....no matter how bad I want to and I wish I could, I just cant.

Love?

Have you ever been love? Like one of those I know I shouldnt fall in love because I always get hurt but i do it anyway type of falling in love. Gosh I don't know how many times I've done that It's like I act so dumb and I always fall. See my problem is I'm quick to fall head over heels. Not usually quick to fall in love though so I don't know how this happened. I don't know how I'm here again sitting with a broken heart. Whatever the reason for having such an open heart I hate it. I want to be cold as ice somedays, but I can't when I love someone I can NEVER be mad at them no matter the things they do, I cant hate them either. Matter of fact I have love for the first guy I fell in love with, he was also the first guy that broke my heart and showed me what not to do in relationships. I find myself constantly falling for the same type and when I do go with a different type it's my same different type the sweet, genuine and loveable kind yet that kind gives me the worse pain. Sometimes I feel like I'm not meant to be loved. Like I'm unloveable like I'm just there. Hmph maybe it's time I take a nap goodnight Dreamers I'm going to finish Dreaming :)

Love,

The Dreamer