Blue and Gold

Ahhhh okay so today....well tonight anyway was totally effin awesome. See this year has been nothing but pure shit to me and today I got the one thing that was taken away from me at the beginning of this school year. I got my BLUE AND GOLD cap. My school shut down because the Archdiocese decided to be stupid and well shut it down. I had the worse senior year possible. I lost my friends and I lost my spirit. I lost myself most of all but today I found me all over again. I remember why everyone knew me at TC, I remembered why I was the bubbly person I was. I remembered the old me, the outgoing one. TC helped mold me and today I got the closure I needed. See I needed that final ending that I got today. Of course it wasn't anything compared to the graduation that I oh so wanted but it was close. Instead of receiving my diploma I received my cap. I got that blue and gold tassle I cried about all school year. Funny how I lost the IND one the night of baccalaureate but this one, this tassle, I'd go crazy if I lost it. Towson Catholic pride forever. I love you TC. I'll always remember my pride. I'll always remember the school that helped me step out when it came to theatre. I'll always remember the teachers who were not only teachers but friends, mentors and family members. I'll always remember that blue and gold, my family. The ring that's on my hand represents that and the cap on my head does also. I'll ALWAYS remember my PRIDE!

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Well my short term goals for this month are simple, and the good thing about that is that there are only two. So my first goal is to be on my best at the BEST OF YATTAS show next Wednesday. I have that as a goal because come on now who wants to look a mess. I need to challenge my self to be the best I can be. In the real world I'm not my only competition so I have to be better than I was last year and the year before that. The next goal is to see my bestie Tzitzi next Friday. Now this goal is important to me because this girl is like my heart and she lives in New York and I keep PROMISING I'm going to come up there. If I don't get there I promise I will have a mental and physical breakdown because it's been months since we last seen each other.

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

so this person means the whole world to me. She has had such a huge impact on me. I sort of found myself because of her. I found my voice and I found my heart all at the same time. She's always there for me and she helps me see things when I can't see them. She's a permanent person in my life. She helped me with my writing. I know she wants nothing but the best for me. When I was being lazy when it came to school stuff she pushed me. I was scared of how she'd look at me and how i'd disappoint her if I failed. She is my safety net. I love her cause she's always there. I love her cause she's such a big impact on my life. I love you Tzitzi muah!

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Storm is my favorite super hero. Why, you ask. Well because for starters she's black. She has an awesome power. Like honestly I'd LOVE to control the weather. She's fierce! Tough yet sexy, what female wouldn't like to be like storm?

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

So unfortunately I don't have any pictures on my new computer of my trips. But this one was by far one of my favorites. Waikiki Hawaii was VERY beautiful. I actually cried knowing I had to leave.

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

I wish that I didn't forgive so easily. Like I always try to forgive someone they could've hurt me in the worst way but I'll just automatically forgive. I feel like a pushover sometimes. I wish I could make people work for their forgiveness.

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

the ones I love with all my heart :)

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

My cousin Nissa Friend Lauren and Friend Candyce I'll post pic number 2 for day number three in like one minute

Day 02

The meaning behind your Tumblr name.

So since this is Blogger and not tumblr I'll give the meaning behind my blogger name. Sueno is spanish for dream. Instead of making it Sonador which is technically dreamer I just made it dream. J is the first letter of my first and last name also it's a nickname between some of my friends and I. Why do I have Dream in my name? Because I'm a dreamer. I like to step outside of reality. I love living in fantasy and dreaming about my future. My head is what some might say "In the clouds" but I know how to come back down, yet I'll never let anyone take my dreams from me or tell me that my dreams are too far fetch. I have the mindset to achieve my dreams. Just like the Godmother in Cinderella says

THE WORLD IS FULL OF ZANIES AND FOOLS,
WHO don't BELIEVE IN SENSIBLE RULES,
AND WONT BELIEVE WHAT SENSIBLE PEOPLE SAY,
AND BECAUSE THESE DAFT AND DEWY-EYED DOPES KEEP BUILDING UP IMPOSSIBLE HOPES,
IMPOSSIBLE, THINGS ARE HAPPINING EVERYDAY.

see I believe that if you dream what others call impossible you can show them that it isn't impossible and make it happen.

I'm a star by scott Alan

Someone give me a chance and just watch me break through
I deserve to be seen this dream feels way overdue
I was born to perform more than anyone knows
I have passion and guts I want this and it shows
I have fought I have cried
I’ve been broke I’ve been bruised
Yet at the end of the day this life is what I still choose
I am song I am dance all I need is a break
This is all that I am someone give me the chance
I am more than the average no one
One chance just to prove to you I am someone
Let me sing for you now more than just 16 bars
If you give me a chance you’ll discover a star
I will risk everything If thats what it takes
I can be what you want I know all thats at stake
All the strength and the will All the vigor and fight
When I stand on that stage watch my spirit take flight
Theres a dream I anticipated
Just you wait cause you know I’ll be celebrated
I just need you to see all the hope and the drive
this is all that I know it’s what keeps me alive
I know everything I need to know
I know every song
Just give me a stage and strike the lights
I will prove I belong
I have dreamt wide awake
I have dreamt with my heart
all i need is a break
So that the real dream can start
Cause I’ve worked way to hard to be brushed off just yet
Time to prove to the world I’m someone not to forget
I cant let all my dreams go nowhere
I wont stop ‘til the day that i finally get there
To see my name bright in lights
Up there on the marquee
All i need from you now is to wake up and see
I’m a star
A star

It's that time

Well seeing as though I still haven't went to sleep I guess I'll do a 10 to 1

1. You are one sick and cold hearted person. Do you care about his dreams or goals. How do you sleep at night? I hope they find you and make your life a living hell. How can you just disregard life like that? Does it hurt you that people are wishing the worse on you? Do you regret what you did? Can you look at yourself in the mirror. I hope you rot and burn in hell, he was a kid still in high school with goals and ambitions. Now answer me this what is he now? Did you think about those who you were hurting? Obviously not.

2. You love me. I have love for you. I want to love you but I can't I'm sorry. I feel awful. Maybe one day I will though. I wish I could give you the love you deserve or love you as you love me.

3.You are different. I know you're different. You are nothing like I've ever had before. You smart, funny, cute, and an asshole lol. But you're so much more. You've shown me your sweet side and I know thats not something you do often. I've seen you smile something else you barely do. I made you blush, and you made me blush. Something might come out of this. I don't know hopefully something will come out of this. I want to show you some things and in return I want you to show me some things too. You are a great person like no one else I know.

4. I feel us drifting apart and I hate it. But then sometimes I feel like we're us again. I'm so confused on our friendship Help me out please.

5. Why do I call you my best friend? You haven't acted like my best friend since freshmen year. It's sad how I know that. Sad how I can remember exactly when we broke. I've tried to fix it over and over and over again and either you don't care or you just don't notice that there is something to fix. Either way something has to be done.

6. You are great and even though you thought I was mad at you I wasn't I just felt a little I'm not sure lol.

7. Sometimes I get in this mood where I'm extremely sad and I cry out the blue and I then realize that you aren't worth my tears. But I'll always have questions that you will never be man enough to answer. I'll always feel like I was shit in your eyes and I'll always feel a tad worthless to you. I'll always partially hate you because my little sister thinks I don't love her. I'll always feel a certain kind of way towards you. Funny I love you a tad because without you I wouldn't be created but thats as far as my love goes. You never did shit for me and fathers day is nothing but a day for me to give my mom another gift. She was my father when you could've cared less if I died. Funny I graduated and I never even got a phone call, not on my eighteenth birthday not anytime in June, I have received nothing but low self-esteem and heartache from you. Well guess what FUCK YOU TOO!

8. I sometimes think I love you entirely too much. You make my heart do things its never done before. We are where we are right now and it's sort of weird. Like I don't want to try with another for the fear that I might hurt them and I just might hurt you. That's something I'd never want. You are the only person who's ever cried cause they hurt me. I don't even think my own dad cried when he hurt me. I know my exes didn't. Do me a favor and never change your beautiful personality. If we never become a couple I want who I'm with to be exactly like you.I wish I could have a replica of you right now. Then maybe I couldn't love you too much. I hope whoever you meet and fall for fall as hard as you but harder that way you'll never be hurt again. I wish I could take the band aid off my heart and give it to you. You're different than all the others I've loved (it's not that many I promise). I fell for you faster and harder and now I'm scared. I've been scared, never stopped being scared now I just have an ACTUAL reason to be scared. Just know that if you stop loving me or you don't actually love me like you just told me you THINK you might love me. I'll be okay I just only wish that someone loves you the right way. Perhaps your love for me might be a rebound love...i don't know and I'm not doubting your love for me I'm just saying whats coming to mind.

9. You are my rock and I love you for that thank you for being everything that I've ever needed in my life. You struggled but you never let me see. You did what you had to do to give me everything I needed and all I wanted. You came in tired as ever yet still took me where I needed and wanted to go. You never complained and you gave up your life and aspirations for me. I thank you. And I love you for life.

10. Music, poetry ans just soulful stuff in general bring us together. Thank you for being my friend. I hope we never part. Stay my friend forever please so we can have these long drawn out talks for the rest of our lives. We can be old for our time and think differently. We can be philisophical and what not together. We can be us!/ Hey psst. You weirdo I love you. We're weird together. I love the random conversations we have and the craziness we get ourselves into. You're an amazing artist. I love our friendship.

(yeah I cheated so what lmfao)

Jazmine Sullivan ft. Floetry

Floetry- Fantasize

floetry is the shit!!!!

I owe a ten to 1 but I'm extremely too lazy to do it lol

Someone Special

So it's 2:24 in the morning. I'm up and I'm listening to someone very special to me sleep. A lot is on my mind and I wish it wasn't I've been very emotional last couple of days. I've been getting asked what's wrong and I've been responding nothing. Truth is something is wrong but I've only been able to come to the conclusion that something is wrong today...well a couple of minutes ago. I'm scared....thats right I'm scared. Scared of what you may ask. I'm scared that I'm going to lose someone so "Someone" since I know you're going to read this, this is for you. I'm scared somehow someway my place in your life, in your heart will be taken. I'm scared that although you love me and you have feelings for me, your feelings will die. You told me "Time makes feelings subject to change" what if your feelings change once again? Idk it's just been a feeling I've had lately like maybe one day soon I'm not going to mean that much to you, and though I know you'd never intentionally hurt me things happen. We're going to college and new people will come into our lives and I don't want to be put on the back burner and left there all forgotten about. Maybe I'm just being sensitive but I tend to be the one that people always sit in the back and forget about. Maybe I have nothing to worry about but the thought is still deep in my head. I wish I could just tell you this is how I'm feeling but I'm scared too. Because then what if you think this is all because we barely talk (which its not), or what if you think that its a bad idea you told me how you really felt (which it's not), or what if i don't know it's just a lot of 'what if's' in my head. I think I love you way too much. Like the way I feel when I talk to you, the way a lot of things are. I don't know. So "Someone" You are extremely special to me and the thought of losing you scares the shit out of me, like I have tears coming out of my eyes thinking about that. I don't want that day to ever come, but if it does I want you to know I'll always be here no matter what. I'll always love you and you'll forever have a special place in my heart. I'm scared, like I just have this feeling that it's going to happen sometime soon. Don't let it happen cause I don't know how I'd take it.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

15 interesting facts about me

• I'm a writer
• when I was little and I went to six flags I stood near that water ride thats like a boat and when the water came down it picked me up and flipped me in the air 3 times and dropped me. Now they have a fence there
• That's the same day I met my God-sister now every year we go to six flags.
• I love, love
• I'm a singer
• I'm an actor
• I'm a dancer
• The performing arts is my life
• I'm self-conscious yet I hide it
• I use to hate being dark skin
• I still hate when people joke about my complexion it takes me back to those days when i was vulnerable
• I believe words are the most powerful weapon
• I have more than 5 best friends but less than 10
• I think that Latoya Luckett is better than Beyonce
• I wish there was a concert with Lauryn Hill, Eryckah Badu, Floetry, Jill Scott, India Arie Musiq Soulchild, Anothony Hamilton, Common and 2 more I would pay big money for that

30 days?

Thirty day challenge!!!!!!

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr name

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Day 30- Who are you?

dang, am I going to be busy this summer!

So I was sort of thinking today. Love is kind of crazy don't you think? Like is it possible to love two people? Is it possible to love 3? Not saying that this is me these are just some questions in my mind is all. Like I just wonder. Hmm I've been thinking about so much lately when it comes to love. Blogger you might just be beating tumblr when it comes to writing. This love this is all crazy and weird. I remember a time when I said I didn't believe in love, now I do but only to a certain extent. I don't know one day I'll find that love that....hmmm nevermind let me go. Blogger I'll be back later I see my muffin has posted a ten to one and I want to read it lol. Until the next time I have something on my mind that I need to write out :)

blogger i'm giving you up for some time idk how long it will be though. Don't be sad I have to tell tumblr the same thing. The thing is I'm going off the grid for some time no facebook, tumblr, cell phone or you. Only thing I will have is a pen paper and thats it. I'm sorry that I'm doing this to you but I just need time alone. I'm going to write until I can't write anymore, sing until the words won't come out act until I no longer know who I am and then when that happens I'll reinvent myself and maybe just maybe I'll come back to you one day.

BEYOND DONE!!

Okay last blog I said I was tired and done but this one I'm saying I'm beyond done! Don't say you love me anymore cause you don't. How can you come at me and say I never call you we talked 3 damn times today. The first time you had to call me back you never did, the second time you came at me hella dumb talking bout me not caring and what not then hung up on me the 3rd time i called you back and you started a damn argument!!!!! are you effin serious right now?! Then you have the audacity to say I never call you! NEWS FLASH I CALLED YOU THREE TIMES IN ONE DAY!!!!!! then you hang up on me again and when I call you back you send me straight to effin voicemail. I'm officially done, idk how you're going to see this but you pissed me off more than enough today! On top of that the person that I love thinks my other blog about you was about them and has officially written me out of their lives. Something else I can thank your dumbass for :D (see I'm giddey with motherfucking glee). I'm just going to lay in the middle of my bed play some Jason Mraz and Lauryn Hill go in my kitchen freezer get a popsicle since we have no icecream and stare at my wall in my room until my eyes give out and surround me in total darkness.

Michael Franti: Hey World (Don't Give Up)

See my Personality Profile

Looooooook

Tired and Done

I don't know at that point and time. I'm tired, like extremely tired of everything. I can't deal with this bullshit anymore. Someone is about to take your place very soon and frankly I don't give a damn if you fight for it or not. I don't care if you want it or not. Someone is about to put the same smile on my face that you used to put on my face but theirs will be better. Someone is going to make me happy something you haven't been doing lately. I'm tired of these random ass attitudes I get just straight up out the blue when I did nothing wrong. I don't care anymore what you do or who you do it with, go out and have fun just don't call me when your done. I'm tired of stupid ass arguments. I'm tired of getting questioned when I don't question you I just sit back. So for everything we went through I'm done NOTHING was worth it

Crush

So I have this crush on someone...well not technically a crush cause the person and i sorta talk....like i'm texting them as I type right now....they're NOTHING like the type of person I usually go for, they're are such an asshole but it's beyond cute on them. They make me smile and they have their moments. They know I'm in a relationship right now and respect that yet they do want to pursue something with me, and I with them....I think idk....maybe I should cause they're there and I like them and I definitely am tired of who I'm with and all the stress that comes with them. hmmm Idk crushes blow me sometimes lol because then what if they act different if we pursue something idk lmfao seee i'm rambling they have me giddy with glee that I get to text them.