My life

So I don't know how much longer I can pretend to be strong. Everything is getting so crazy and hectic right now. I'm feeling certain types of ways about people and things and I really just don't know where my head is or what I'm supposed to do. My heart says one thing, my mind says another, and my friends are telling me something different. Why afre things so damn hard. It's like eveyrtime I'm goog things turn bad and from bad they get worse. My life is falling apart around me and I pray to God that before everything crashes and I hurt the people around me, I start to build it back up. I need guidance and the only person who can give that to me is God. LAst night I cried and prayed and had a mental breakdown. But thats nothing knew this school year. This year has been the year from hell. I just pray that God knows that THIS everything that's going on around me is more than I can bare.

I feel like if I could I'd be the girl with her living room as a library you know all the books lined up against the wall from floor to ceiling. Eff the television I barely have time to watch it anyway, smh I barely have time to read too. Just last week I read this really good book in days. It was a thick book, small print to ya' know. But I had to read I just had to. I couldn't put that book down for anything. It was like when you eat coldstones Ice cream for like a good 2 weeks and you know it's like addictive, smh stuff be good as hell, and then you go a good 3 months without having it and you at first go into withdrawal but then the more you don't think about it the less it matters but then you finally get a taste of it again and BAM! you're hooked all over again. Idk if that's a good analogy hmm lets try this one you know them feigns on the wire they needed that shit. Yeah that's how I am with books, and when that shit was low or gone they went all crazy like tryna steal it, umhmm, thats that feeling but I couldn't steal it cause then jail and permanent record would be screaming my name lmao. But then I got my shit again and I like hurried up and read through the book never even got the aftermath of the damn book:( Like I got a small high but shit I just wanted more instead of the high. So yeah you catch my drift. I just wish I could be one of those chicks with books like bricks floor to ceiling, ceiling to floor when you walk in it's just books galore. Hmph I think that sounded a tad poetic and I wasn't even trying lmao. Which reminds me I need to re-buy Tupac Shakurs Poetry book umhmm. Pssh I love his poem 'concrete rose' or something of the other, and the one for his child. Hmph I think I'm done writing. Just got done watching Julie&Julia it was AWESOME. Okay now I'm done. Off to find a good book in my house (one I've already read seeing as though I'm a bookaholic) then sit down and curl into a nice ball on the living room couch and read. Or maybe...nope nope no Barnes&Nobles today :( ugh I wish my mom would've just gotten me the Nook for Christmas I'm just saying that thing is effin AWESOME! umhmm palyed with it in the store and was like OH HELL YES! Well it's time for me to go and read and by the way blogger I made a deal with tumblr about our relationship, but thats another convo for another day :)