feelings

i figured out how i feel today, at least i think i i did. see the whole thing is just confusing i'm not sure what exactly i'm to do. i ultimately brought this effed up situation on myself. i knew what to expect way ahead of time i was warned and i think i gave a damn but my heart didn't it didn't care and now it hurts. damn you heart for not caring. tonight or tomorrow i'll make a decision that can help me or hurt me.....or maybe i should wait and talk to miel before i do anything after all she knows me best. love is a painful thing when its by itself but it's so beautiful when it's shared. maybe i should try to make it work with the one i'm with. though our relationship is on the rocks i've been told by my significant other loves me so maybe if i say it back i can learn to love them cause it must hurt them to be in love alone cause it damn sure hurts me. one day i'll be strong enough to be on my own. i l the heart is like a big thunder storm at night and the headlights guiding me is my brain but for some reason my headlights wont turn on. effed up much?