I looked at her and all I saw was love. I never saw anything but love. When I thought about her I smiled instantaneously. I saw her name pop up on my phone and I was giddy. Heard her voice and my heart skipped 10 beats. She was mine & I was hers. She was just as important as the air I breathed. I have everything to her. She was my sun my moon & my stars. The warm and fuzzy feeling I got when walking with her & talking to her was so amazing. She kept me happy. Don't get me wrong we had our bad times. We argued and fussed and cussed each other out. That anger never lasted too long though. I hated going a day or night without talking to her. I still hate going with out her. But I hate her now. She hurt me & broke my heart beyond repair. I'm in love but I also hate her. I hate her for so many reasons. I hope karma bites her in the ass. I want her to be miserable. I know that's wrong of me but I do. I cry every day & every night. I cry without having a fucking reason. I love her I'm hurt and angry I'm confused lost and alone.

This thing called love....

This thing called love sucks so much. I've lost so many friends. I've ignored people and made everything about someone who could give a shit about me. I love them. I'm head over heels completely in love. I wish they loved me though. I want an "us" I miss having an "us". I'm trying my hardest to let it go.

I don't think I learn my lesson. Like I know I should I know I should give up hope not care anymore but I do. I love them like head over heels gone in love with them & I can't do anything about it except accept that we won't be everything stands in the way it hurts though.

I honestly don't even know how I feel right now I'm fucking at a loss for words. Like it's fucking inevitable for me to get hurt by them. Like all the time. A year in 11 days it'll be a fucking year. A year of me being head over heels in love & a year of me just loving someone & giving someone all of me. Like I'm lost hurt & confused.

I miss them. Like my whole heart hurts & I hate not talking to them. It's like a part of me is missing. I can't do anything about it. Why fight for someone who could give a damn about you and doesn't care if you stay or walk away. Who doesn't give two shits if they break your heart or not. I'm hurting but I can't. Be the first to make a move this time. Not this time at all.

With them

Sex with them is amazing we did it this morning one of those detach your feelings type of things and GAHLEE was shit amazing I fucking love them. I had to set aside my feelings for that shit though. that's the only person I trust enough with my body. I want more like I'm craving it and it pisses me off how gone they got me when we have sex like every time they touch me it sends tingles down my spine and damnit if I don't want none lol

Days

There are days I wish I could hold their hand. Like right now I wanna grab their hand look at them and kiss them then I remember I can't do that and it hurts my heart like it makes me want to cry something terrible.